A dream

I had a dream last night about my Aspergers.

It was primarily about the use of facial expressions. In the dream I was with many other people who had Aspergers but a lot of them could use and read facial expressions but I couldn't. So I felt the odd one out. I had this overwhelming thought that if ONLY I could do facial expressions then I would be more 'neurotypical.' I would be able to interact better and not get caught up in this Asperger type speak where there is a strong emphasis on the words that are actually spoken. Do you understand what I'm saying here?

You see, it has been said that in the neurotypical world, a lot of communication is not so much about words but facial expressions, the use of body language and the WAY words are said. But with a lot of people on the autistic spectrum it is nearly all about the words spoken. I was watching a young girl on the bus today and already at this young age she displayed many facial expressions. What I'm saying is conversation flows better when there is use of facial expressions and body language. I then, in the dream had this idea that maybe I could 'learn' to do facial expressions, because I've not a clue really.

Examples of everyday situations that can cause difficulty and distress for people with Aspergers

ONE

A scenario: Two people both of whom have Aspergers. Person A is no good at DIY and person B is OK at it. Person B comes to person A's house to put up a shelf but they forget their drill. So they drive back home several miles to get the drill. Meanwhile person A gets very stressed due to things not going as planned and not knowing what to do and person B can't see any other solution other than to go back for the drill.

Now, for the average neurotypical, the above situation would go something like: The person who forgot the drill would be annoyed and the other person may well say something like 'Look, I'll go round to my neighbours and borrow his drill.' Problem solved!


TWO

A person with Aspergers, who is normally calm and rational organises ticket distribution for his friends at a theatre show. But things go wrong and the person gets confused and becomes visibly distressed, 'goes to pieces' so to speak.


THREE

One of the many baffling things with Aspergers is an apparent indifference in the person who has Aspergers. I was once in a café with a person who has Aspergers and his mother. His mother started choking and her son just ignored her. She went off to the toilet and I was concerned and went after her to see if she was OK. But even I was baffled by this! That a man could be so apparently uncaring and unconcerned about his mother!


FOUR

Another situation that happened to me. A man I know comes to look at my computer because I had a problem getting The Internet.

First bit of anxiety: Actually interacting and negotiating with him about when to come over. Then anxiety waiting for him as I have anxiety about ANYONE actually coming to my flat.
When he turned up anxiety level dropped but still somewhat uncomfortable with him here.

He sorted the problem and I felt better.

If I tell someone of the above, they might say 'Oh I'm like that. I can't do anything until they arrive.'
And here is where MISUNDERSTANDING occurs. The person who says this does NOT have the levels of anxiety and distress I have (or if they do, then like me they have a problem.)

But this is what infuriates me, that people just don't 'get' this disability or difference called Aspergers!

On apparent selfishness

It sometimes seems people with Aspergers come across as selfish. In many cases I don't think we are any more selfish than anyone else, it's just that we tend to see the world just from our own fixed point of view and find it very difficult or even impossible to imagine someone elses' point of view. This is where the 'social imagination' problem comes in.

A psychologist once told me people with Aspergers are egocentric and I said to him is this the same as being selfish and he said no but it does mean we feel the world sort of revolves around us because this is the only way we know. It is very hard to be flexible. I often have NO IDEA how other people feel or think. It's not that I don't want to know how they feel, I do.

People with Aspergers are also often accused of having no empathy. Again I don't think this is true. We do I think care about others but often just don't know how to show it.