TWO 'LANGUAGES'

There are two 'languages' - neurotypical  and Aspergers. Neurotypical is what most NT's (neurotypicals) speak. Aspergers is what I and others on the autistic spectrum speak.

The language of soaps tends to be neurotypical and as I don't speak this then I struggle to understand soaps.

I'm not being dramatic here. It really is like this. And don't EVER say to me 'You're just like everybody else.' I am NOT like 'everybody else.' I have a recognised condition, an Autism Spectrum Disorder to use the currently recognised diagnosis (although I still prefer the term Aspergers Syndrome).

FEBRUARY 2018

I am back on my medication as it didn't quite work out me coming off it (had much anxiety and depression as a result of stopping it). The good news is I seem to have last stopped the alcohol although this is an on-going battle as I am still in the early stages of 'recovery' from addiction.

I am finding listening to Mindfulness CDs useful plus listening to relaxation CDs.

UPDATE DECEMBER 2017

Several things to report since my last post.

One, I have stopped my anti-depressant medication after a gradual withdrawal. The reason for this is I didn't really think it was helping my depression. Again, I am not necessarily recommending others who take meds do this as it is a personal decision. I have managed before without medication as my depression is something called reactive depression as opposed to a 'depressive illness.'
Two, I am having acupuncture for my addictions which seems to be helping. I've noticed a reduction in the cravings for alcohol since starting the treatment. I have cut my alcohol use down and want to stop completely but I am trying to do one thing at a time as it is early days yet of coming off the medication.
Three, I am having counselling which I am finding helpful as I am trying to work through a number of issues and conflicts I have.

WHERE I AM AT AT THE MOMENT

I am currently suffering from persistent mild/moderate depression. My alcohol use unfortunately continues although I am now part of a support group for people with addictions that I am finding useful. The medication called antabuse that I was taking was not really a success due to me being somewhat inconsistent with taking it and the fact that I found I could still drink despite having taken it.

I guess I feel quite stuck at the moment. Where do I go from here? You see, because of the depression, I am caught in a vicious cycle of feeling low then self-medicating with alcohol that temporarily relieves the low mood but the next day I am low again and feel like having more alcohol. I don't always give in to the cravings and DO try other strategies to help me. Also I still manage to function well despite my low mood, for example I am managing to go to work one day per week. I also keep active during the week going to various groups run by MIND and other organisations.

I HATE STAR TREK!

I cannot stand Star Trek or for that matter most sci-fi (with the notable exception of '2001: A Space Odyssey' which strangely is my favourite film of all time). I am not into superheroes or computers. I use computers but that's about all. I don't know that much about technology and in fact am quite ignorant of a lot of it. I still don't fully understand what Facebook is nor do I know what a Podcast is or an 'app'. I think a lot of so called social media sucks!

Why am I saying all this? Well, there may be assumptions about people who have Aspergers or who are autistic that we are all into sci-fi, are computer geeks or maths geniuses. Speaking of maths, I am not very good at it. You know, I am just trying to dispel some myths here in that people on the spectrum are all different as is the general population. We are INDIVIDUALS and yes many of us do have obsessive interests but these are varied.

A dream

I had a dream last night about my Aspergers.

It was primarily about the use of facial expressions. In the dream I was with many other people who had Aspergers but a lot of them could use and read facial expressions but I couldn't. So I felt the odd one out. I had this overwhelming thought that if ONLY I could do facial expressions then I would be more 'neurotypical.' I would be able to interact better and not get caught up in this Asperger type speak where there is a strong emphasis on the words that are actually spoken. Do you understand what I'm saying here?

You see, it has been said that in the neurotypical world, a lot of communication is not so much about words but facial expressions, the use of body language and the WAY words are said. But with a lot of people on the autistic spectrum it is nearly all about the words spoken. I was watching a young girl on the bus today and already at this young age she displayed many facial expressions. What I'm saying is conversation flows better when there is use of facial expressions and body language. I then, in the dream had this idea that maybe I could 'learn' to do facial expressions, because I've not a clue really.

Examples of everyday situations that can cause difficulty and distress for people with Aspergers

ONE

A scenario: Two people both of whom have Aspergers. Person A is no good at DIY and person B is OK at it. Person B comes to person A's house to put up a shelf but they forget their drill. So they drive back home several miles to get the drill. Meanwhile person A gets very stressed due to things not going as planned and not knowing what to do and person B can't see any other solution other than to go back for the drill.

Now, for the average neurotypical, the above situation would go something like: The person who forgot the drill would be annoyed and the other person may well say something like 'Look, I'll go round to my neighbours and borrow his drill.' Problem solved!


TWO

A person with Aspergers, who is normally calm and rational organises ticket distribution for his friends at a theatre show. But things go wrong and the person gets confused and becomes visibly distressed, 'goes to pieces' so to speak.


THREE

One of the many baffling things with Aspergers is an apparent indifference in the person who has Aspergers. I was once in a café with a person who has Aspergers and his mother. His mother started choking and her son just ignored her. She went off to the toilet and I was concerned and went after her to see if she was OK. But even I was baffled by this! That a man could be so apparently uncaring and unconcerned about his mother!


FOUR

Another situation that happened to me. A man I know comes to look at my computer because I had a problem getting The Internet.

First bit of anxiety: Actually interacting and negotiating with him about when to come over. Then anxiety waiting for him as I have anxiety about ANYONE actually coming to my flat.
When he turned up anxiety level dropped but still somewhat uncomfortable with him here.

He sorted the problem and I felt better.

If I tell someone of the above, they might say 'Oh I'm like that. I can't do anything until they arrive.'
And here is where MISUNDERSTANDING occurs. The person who says this does NOT have the levels of anxiety and distress I have (or if they do, then like me they have a problem.)

But this is what infuriates me, that people just don't 'get' this disability or difference called Aspergers!